Cold, Cold Heart
by Weill Gal
Summary: Set just before the finale. Charlotte decides Lilith is the perfect woman for Frasier, even if he doesn't want to admit it. FrasierLilith Chapter 4 up - The Talk
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer thing: I don't own any of the charactors and all that good stuff. Although, I really wish I did. Could you imagine what there lives would be like if one of us did? Charlotte probably wouldn't be living, Niles or Daphne would come down with all sorts of terrible illnesses, and Frederick probably wouldn't exist. Why am I still talking? But, I just have to say that the lyrics at the beginning are from Norah Jones' Cold Cold Heart.  
  
A/N: I only have this much done. If you like it and think I should write more, please review and tell me so. Otherwise, it will probably end up in that vast universe of unfinished fics. And yes, this is the one I said I'd post the day after the finale. And I can't blame the non-postness on anything besides myself, so I'm not even going to try. Alright, I'm actually done rambling. On to the fic!  
  
Cold, Cold Heart  
  
By-Kaitlyn  
  
There was a time when I believed   
  
That you belonged to me   
  
But now I know your heart is shackled   
  
To a memory   
  
The more I learn to care for you   
  
The more we drift apart   
  
Why can't I free your doubtful mind   
  
And melt your cold cold heart?  
  
He said he loved me, but they say he says that to all of them. I'd heard stories of dozens of them, but they say that's not even half of them. Even his brother told me to be careful. Apparently he's broken his share of hearts, and I never would have seen that quality in him.   
  
When I said I'd be his matchmaker, I had no idea he'd fall for me. Niles said it could only be expected, Frasier was like that. He diagnosed his brother with something-I don't remember what-and went to get his latte. But I hadn't known he was "like that." If I had, well, if I had..I don't know. No, I do know. I would have agreed in spite of-or rather, because of-that, and we would have been in the same hell. Only, we probably would have gotten here faster because I would have convinced myself I had feelings for him and, knowing me, I would have done something about it.   
  
But I hadn't known about his past. I hadn't known about Claire. She'd been "perfect for him," and he left her for someone who "differed from her entirely" (that part I heard from Frasier himself) only after calling his ex-wife at two in the morning to ask her advice. He'd known perfectly well that he'd never be able to truly love the second woman, but he went after her. Because he was afraid.   
  
There was the children's book author who looked just like his mother. Daphne told me Frasier blamed it on some Fraudian theory about all men wanting to sleep with their mothers. Niles said it was the "simple fact that he knew subconsiously that this woman was safe. That he'd never be able to be in a real relationship with her because of her looks. He was just afraid."   
  
And there'd been countless others. I heard of dozens when I was trying to figure out who I could "set him up with." I needed research. What kind of woman Frasier Crane usually fell for.   
  
Yes, I strayed from that when I was just starting out, but I had limited research. I was, in fact, just starting out. But I think part of it was the simple fact that I wanted him for myself, and I would have done the same thing even if I had a hundred Claire's lined up. But this isn't about me.   
  
His entire family agreed that Lilith had been the most interesting. According to Niles, Frasier would call home from time to time just to tell him how amazing she was. Niles still claims (a tad reluctantly since he "can't stand the witch") that Frasier was in love with her. Martin (even more reluctantly) admits that he might still carry feelings for her. They wouldn't tell me anything about her after Frasier and I started dating though.   
  
But after they told me about her, I started noticing things about him. Like sometimes, we'd be sitting together, he'd be holding me, and then he'd stare off into space. He'd pass the phone, and look like he wanted to call someone, but would stop himself, but just when he noticed there were other people in the room. We'd wake up in the morning, and he'd say something sweet, but when he rolled over and saw who it was, he looked like he'd rather be there alone.   
  
I didn't like being his second choice. I knew he'd rather be with her, but I couldn't do anything about it. Or, at least I couldn't change his mind. I knew it wasn't me making him miserable, but it wouldn't be me making him happy. I wanted to make him happy, more then anything. Even if it meant giving him up.   
  
I was his matchmaker for God's sake! I was gonna set this man up with who he really wanted to be with. Even though it wasn't me and I wanted it to be. I wanted it to be more then anything. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey! I'm back! Maybe because I'm whipped, or maybe because threats and bribes work with me. Either way, I'm baaaack. Yeah, I'm not sure whether that's good or bad either. Thanks for all the great reviews, and I hope this is any good..  
  
Chapter 2-  
  
"Dr. Sternin, I hope I'm not interupting, but there's a 'Charlotte' for you on line one."   
  
"Thank you Cindy. I'm just finishing up some paperwork, can you tell her to hold for a minute." Charlotte..Charlotte, I desperately tried to remember where I'd heard that name before. She obviously wasn't a patient or Cindy wouldn't have bothered telling me. But I couldn't for the life of me remember.  
  
I finally decided to just pick up the damn phone.  
  
"Hello?" Charlotte..who is 'Charlotte?'  
  
"Hello Dr. Sternin. You probably have no idea who I am." Well that was putting it lightly. "But, I've actually heard quite a bit about you."  
  
"Oh dear. Are you a friend of Frasier's?" If she was, this call couldn't be anything good. I didn't even want to think about what his family (if not Frasier himself) would have told her about me. Or rather, The Witch, as Martin had taken to calling me.  
  
"Actually, yes, I am. How'd you know?" I think the more fitting question is 'Why are you calling me?' but I didn't think that would be a well recieved answer.  
  
"Oh just a guess.. Charlotte, if I may be so bold, why are you calling me? Did Frasier put you up to this?" That was it. Frasier, for whatever sick reason, had told her to call me, and here I am, sounding like an idiot-which would be exactly his intent. Damn him!  
  
"Actually, no. This was my own doing. Whether I'm insane or not, well, I'm not sure. I'm not the psychiatrist." Interesting. "I am sorry for bothering you Dr. Sternin, but something has been bothering me for a while now, and I think you might be able to help."  
  
"I don't have sessions over the phone. That's Frasier's field. But, if you need to talk to someone, I'm sure he-or if you didn't want to even mention it to him, Niles-would be able to recommend someone that would be able to help you."  
  
"Oh no! This isn't even my problem." It never was. "Actually, it's Frasier's, which I guess makes it mine. Alright, it is mostly my problem, but Frasier's involved. Even if he doesn't know it."  
  
"I see, but I'm not sure you should be telling me..."  
  
"No, I think you're the best bet I have. I mean, I think you're the only one that can help." Damn. "If you'll just let me explain.."  
  
"Of course." I wasn't going to let her down-she seemed so desperate for me to hear her out, and I knew it wasn't easy for her. I sure knew it wasn't easy for me when I confronted Rebecca when Frasier thought he stood a chance with her.  
  
"Well Dr. Sternin, I'm not entirely sure how to go about doing this.. I met Frasier a couple months ago when he mistakenly came to my office thinking it was his. You see, I'm a matchmaker," I had to really struggle to keep a laugh from surfacing. "And I was convinced Frasier needed my help. Eventually, he himself was convinced, and we were in my office talking.. After a few weeks of unsuccessful set-ups for Frasier, he had himself thinking that he was in love with me. Niles had it chalked up as one of Frasier's little 'quirks' and that 'the little crush he developed was only to mask deeper feelings.' And I'm starting to think he was right."  
  
"Just out of curiosity, what does Niles think these 'deeper feelings' are? Or didn't he say?" I was curious, and I needed to know more of what Niles thought. After all, that was probably what was troubling Charlotte-Niles' bull diagnoses.  
  
She laughed, but in a way that seemed like it caused her a lot of pain and effort. "Actually, Niles seems to think he still has intense feelings for you."  
  
"You must be kidding. Or even confused. Niles wouldn't say that-he's under the impression that Frasier hates me." Which I knew wasn't true. I also knew that he didn't love me.  
  
"No. He said it, and seems to stand by it. And it's not like that's all either. Frasier always seems to long for something more." Typical of him, or at least it had been recently. God, he'd never been able to accept a good thing. He was like a small child, you'd give them a piece of candy and they'd always complain it wasn't their favorite kind. "But," she laughed again. This time she sounded to be at the point of tears. "I feel stupid for telling you this."  
  
"You needn't feel that way. I'm here to help." God that was cliche. But I was interested at this point. Very interested.  
  
"What really gets to me is that..it appears to cause him physical pain to say that he loves me." That's when she broke down.  
  
"I'm sure it doesn't. I'm sure he-" No, I couldn't say it. I wasn't sure that he loved her. Actually, I was pretty sure he didn't. "Charlotte, have you talked to him about this?"  
  
"No. I was actually hoping you could help me with this." I knew she would say that, I didn't even know why I'd asked.  
  
"You know you have to talk to him, without me, right?" She was silent. "What did you expect me to be able to do? Even if Frasier still loved me, I don't feel the same for him." I think I doubted that more then she did.  
  
"All I ask is that you come for a visit, to have dinner with Frasier and me. I'd pay for all your expenses of course. Will you at least consider it?"  
  
"If that's what you really want.. Am I allowed to tell him I'm coming, or will this be a surprise?" I really hoped she'd let me tell him. We've been telling each other everything lately-except he had left Charlotte out of our conversations for whatever reason. I just didn't want to go back to six years ago, when I'd show up announced, expecting him to have sex with me.  
  
"Yes, that's what I want. And you can tell him." I didn't think she wanted me to tell him, but I had to. I needed him to trust me. "Dr. Sternin, I hope you know that all I really want is for Frasier to be happy."  
  
"I do. And that's why I think I have to come." 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews, it means a lot and keeps me writing!  
  
Chapter 3-  
  
I walked into Cafe Nervosa where I was meeting Frasier, to find him there waiting for me. It was rare for him to arrive before me, so I was a bit shocked. I meant to point that out to him too.  
  
He stood up as soon as he saw me, his cell phone gripped tightly in his right hand. "Niles, Lilith is coming. To Seattle. Tomorrow" Ah, so that would explain his complexion being the same shade of white as the aforementioned demon's.  
  
"Are you sure? Did she call you?" Please let this all be a nightmare.  
  
"No Niles, I'm just holding my cell phone because I wanted to know the exact second you asked you first, and certainly not last, stupid question of the day. Oh look, 3:47pm. A little later then usual aren't you?"  
  
"Frasier, there's really no need to take this out on me. Now, let's try to think this through reasonably. Did she say why she came?"  
  
"She just said that she wanted to see me."  
  
"Oh good." He glared at me. "Do I have to see her? Last time she was here, she said some rather..rude things to Daphne." Rude being an understatement, but this was Frasier, and matters concerning Lilith had to be handled delicately.  
  
"No, you don't have to see her, but, well, I'm a little worried. I don't want to do anything that could possibly jeopardize my relationship with Charlotte, and I might need your help."  
  
"Like that time six years ago when you wanted me to keep you from sleeping with her?"  
  
"Right. Only this time, you won't do it either!"  
  
"You're damn right I won't! For one thing, I'm married-with a child I might add! And for another, there's no way I can do it because I wouldn't come near that witch if you paid me!" Maybe I'd over-reacted, just a little.  
  
"Fine! But if she's the end of my relationship with Charlotte, well, then I hope you'll be very happy!"  
  
"Why are you so sure you'll do something to damage this 'relationship?' If you ask me that seems to be a sure sign that you want something to happen between the two of you. And you only asked me to come along because you knew that eventually, I would have to leave-leaving the two of you to your devices!" I spat out the last word, and I was pretty sure I wasn't making much sense.  
  
"First of all, I never asked you!" Yes, that's mature. "Secondly, you know as well as I do that our little trists only happen when I'm drunk, and that she seduces me!" He looked around to see countless Cafe Nervosa patrons staring at us.  
  
I lowered my voice considerably. I hadn't been thinking of what we'd been shouting in a public place. "Did you ever once think that you might be sub-consiously getting drunk because you wanted that to happen? I mean, that sort of thing could only happen once with it being a mistake."  
  
"Oh that's bull and you know it." He'd lowered his voice as well, also aware of what he'd done to his reputation.  
  
"Is it?"  
  
"Well, I'm almost positive I love Charlotte." Ah, he'd gotten himself into a trap.  
  
"Almost?" He turned to me, his mouth half open. Why was I doing this? "And how positive are you that you don't still love Lilith?" That was one of the hardest questions I'd had to ask in a long time.  
  
"Niles, please don't do this to me." 


	4. Chapter 3 and a half

A/N: It's been a long time since I've done any fic writing, and it's not something I'm proud of. Oh no. I kept telling myself I'd write another chapter, "tomorrow." Well, who knew "tomorrow" was over six months away?

This chapter's short (as in, insanely short) and deals just of Frasier's thoughts after the talk with Niles. Next one will have more substance (and more Lilith) to it, I promise.

And, as always, I have to thank my reviewers who are all awesome. Oh, and those of you who have emailed me like crazy the past few weeks. Guilt-trips are flattering things in the land of the fic.

These authors notes and the following chapter has been brought to you by total and complete lack of sleep. I hope some of this makes even the slightest bit of sense...

Chapter 3.5 -

That night, I lay awake in bed replaying the scene with Niles in my mind over and over. His last words stuck in my head no matter how much I tried to forget them. I'd bolted from Nervosa, leaving Niles with the bill and his satisfaction of having trapped me.

"Damn him," I'd muttered, barly audible. "He's so sure he's right, and is probably still gloating over it. Wrong. That's what he is. Totally and completely wrong. I have no use for Her anymore. Oh no. Not after the Hell she's put me through. And that's what it's been, Hell. Even the sex. She'd used that as a weapon..." I'd been able to drift off to sleep, content in thinking that I was right.

The next morning, I woke up with my head pounding. Made a joke to myself about Daphne's psychic headaches to be contagious, and downed a couple asperin. Not that any of this is terribly important, considering that the headache went away shortly after, but it seems wrong to not include it.

"It'll just be an hour Frasier, nothing to worry about." I was talking to myself, again, as I finished getting dressed. "You won't even have to make physical contact with her. It will all be fine." 


	5. Chapter 4

It was incredible how I could travel 3000 miles to see someone, but when I arrived, I couldn't even bring myself to knock on the door. It was absolutely ridiculous, the entire situation. I'd flown across the country to help my ex-husband's girlfriend? What could I have possibly been thinking when I agreed to that? And, here I was, standing outside his door with an overnight bag in hand, just staring. He'd told me to show up at three, and I looked at my watch 2:59. I'd have to knock, and knock soon.

"Lilith?" I rolled my eyes. I had the same obsessive compulsive tendencies I used to mock him for. And he knew it.

"Damnit Frasier." I heard laughter from the other side of the door. "You're making us both look absolutely childish. Are you going to let me in or not?"

"Knock."

"You can't be serious." Yet I knocked anyway. When he opened the door, I couldn't help but smile. A small one, but a smile nonetheless. The smile faded when he took my bag and coat, and I realized he must have thought that I expected to stay with him. If it wasn't for the look of absolute terror on his face, I might have been inclined to accept the invitation. As it was, I had to make this as quick and painless as possible. If not for me, then for him. "No, thank you. I have reservations for the night. The plane just landed and I thought I'd come see you first."

He offered me a seat, and a glass of wine. Alchohol didn't seem to be a good idea, especially considering past experiences. "Now, Lilith, I must admit I'm really not sure why you're here. What is it that you need to talk to me about, and why couldn't you do it over the phone?"

"Honestly, Frasier? I don't have a clue myself." Ah, he thought I'd only come for sex. He always does, and his eyes always give him away. "Charlotte called me, and she was pretty certain that -" I stopped myself, I wasn't sure how I wanted to spring this on him. I myself had no idea what I expected to come of the trip. Telling him that his girlfriend thinks he's still in love with me would be a bit.. much. But, what the Hell? "Well, she seems to think that you're in love with me. And that you've never stopped loving me."

"You're kidding. This is all some elaborate prank set up by Dad or something, right? No, better yet, I'm dreaming. None of this happened. I'm going to wake up in a few minutes screaming, with Eddie on my face." He studied my face for a moment. "DAMNIT! Wake UP Frasier! Wake up!" I was near tears. Why did that hurt me so much? It shouldn't have. Of all things, his rejection should only comfort me. I was supposed to be here to prove Charlotte wrong. Yes. That's why I'd come.

"I don't think you're dreaming." Was that all I could say? Why was it that I suddenly felt the urge to strike him - to slap him until he.. Until he what?

"Charlotte actually called you, my ex-wife, to tell you that I'm madly in love with you." I nodded an mouthed the word, "Yes." "And all of this for what? Even if I did love you, which of course is total crap, bringing you here wouldn't make a difference. It's not like we'd spend one beautiful night together, sitting by a fire, sipping wine and forgiving each other for the heartbreak of the past, and then as the sun was coming up, I'd get on my knees and propose. She's insane. And why did you come?"

"I had to prove her wrong. And it looks like I did a damn good job of it."

"Really? That's more characteristic of me then of you. Are you alright, Lilith?" I'd flown across the country to listen to my ex-husband tell me that he didn't love me, and that it wasn't even imaginable to him, and I didn't even know why I made the trip in the first place. I did, however, know that there was an unbearable emptiness that hadn't been there a few minutes earlier. But, that was a part of myself I didn't care to show. Not even to him. No matter what we'd shared in the past, my emotions were never part of it.

"Fine. Totally and completely fine." 


End file.
